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  • What I’ve Been Reading Lately

     

    The world right now is a book lover’s dream. Everywhere I look, there are new books coming out that scream, “READ ME! I HAVE SUPER IMPORTANT THINGS TO TELL YOU.”

    They put me in my happy place. But they also make me poor. Priorities.

    Today, I’m highlighting four books that you absolutely must buy – RIGHT NOW – and read as soon as you can. Buy one for yourself, buy some for Christmas presents, and be prepared to be changed. I’m not saying this lightly. These books have changed my way of thinking on so many things.

    The first one I finished just this morning, friends, and it’s a game changer. You might have seen it advertised, especially since it’s Oprah’s latest book club pick. (Side note – this is not why I read it. I ordered it from Amazon before Oprah ever chose it. Her choices have sometimes made me scratch my head and ask, “Really?” But not this one. She chose wisely.)

    Book 1 – Glennon Doyle Melton’s Love Warrior (click to buy)

    If you’re a mom and reader of blogs, you’ve probably encountered Glennon Doyle Melton’s blog, Momastery. She’s candid and honest, and people love her writing because it’s so real. Her book, Love Warrior, is so real it made me weep. I’m not joking – crying out loud, snot, the whole nine yards.

    So, a couple of disclaimers before I go any further with this book. One, it’s not pretty. She was an alcoholic, a bulimic, and aborted her first pregnancy. And she is super honest about all of it. She talks about her multiple sexual partners and uses the F word when describing her old way of life. She is real and she is raw, and if this offends you, don’t buy the book. But if you like stories of redemption, BUY IT RIGHT NOW.

    Second, her views on religion might be uncomfortable to you. She talks about God in unconventional ways, and she attends church where a minister is openly gay. She has written things before like, “I think Jesus would come back as a poor, black, gay teenage girl.”  Her thinking is not the typical Bible belt view of God. Again, just beware.

    So, if those are reasons not to buy it, why should you?

    Chapter 8. That’s why. Oh my word, chapter 8.

    You see, this is where she learns of her husband’s addiction to pornography and his multiple affairs, and this is where she writes, “If the answers to the questions of me are not successful wife and mother, then what answers do I have left? None. If I am not Mrs. Melton after all, then who am I? Nobody. The end.”

    Chapter 8 is where I had snot running down my face as I sat in my car and underlined words and cried, “Yes. Me too.”

    If you have ever lived in a pit of sin, wrestled with what the world tells women to be, or grieved the life you thought you had, please read her words. She says things like, “Grief is nothing but a painful waiting, a horrible patience. Grief cannot be torn down or scaled or overcome or outsmarted. It can only be outlasted.”

    Some of her words ripped my heart apart, and some of them provided salve for old wounds.

    Good. So good.

    Book 2 – Shauna Niequist’s Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simple, More Soulful Way of Living (click to buy)

    Listen. I know the tension you feel right now. There are a million things to do, less than a million hours to do them in, and only one of you. You are absolutely overwhelmed, and because you want to seem like you have it all together, you keep marching forward. You keep marching when everything in you screams, “STOP!” You have an image in your head of who you’re supposed to be and what you’re supposed to do. The image is killing you, but you’re dying alone. You won’t admit you’re drowning.

    In this book, Shauna (I can call her by her first name – we’re friends now) gives women permission to let things go. One of my favorite passages says, “This life you’re building is entirely your creation, fashioned out of your dreams and fears. What do you want? What do you love? What ways of living have you simply acquiesced to, simply because someone told you to? Because it seemed smart or practical or easy? Are those the best words to describe how you want to live?”

    I LOVE that she asks, “What do you want? What do you love?” Because I think sometimes we refuse to let ourselves care about such things. We think they are frivolous and not serious, not things grown women should be spending energy thinking about. But we’re wrong. When we lose sight of what we love and what we want, we waste away. We lose ourselves in the frantic life we’ve allowed.

    This is one of those books where I have underlined something on practically every page. In the margins, I have written, “YES!” and “This is me.”

    She simply invites and encourages women to evaluate their lives, to give themselves permission to make their own choices, and to take up their space in the world.

    So refreshing and so necessary.

    Book 3 – Christine Caine’s Unashamed: Drop the Baggage, Pick up Your Freedom, Fulfill Your Destiny (click to buy)

    If you couldn’t tell from the title, this book is all about the shame we feel, carry around, and allow to bind us. Christine Caine tells her own story of why she felt shamed for so long, and if you’ve never heard her testimony, it is a doozy. (She just preached at Elevation’s Code Orange Revival, and she shared her story. Watch it here when you have time.)

    In the first chapter, she writes, “I don’t recall a time in my life when I didn’t feel that there was something wrong with who I was, something deficient in me.” From that line, I was hooked. So much of her story is just like mine, and she walks her readers through her healing. It is inspiring and amazing.

    One part of this book I particularly loved was her candid discussion of being a woman, especially in ministry. She writes, “I often felt that as a woman, I was secondary. I was less than.” I won’t get into this discussion here, but let me say that I said Amen right out loud there. One of the most powerful women in ministry writes about what it’s like to be a woman in a man’s world. Powerful.

    Book 4 – Edie Wadsworth’s All the Pretty Things: The True Story of a Southern Girl Who Went Through Fire to Find Her Way Home (click to buy)

    I was honored to be on the launch team for this book, which means that I got an advanced copy of the book to read and get to help promote it! I have followed Edie’s blog and social media for years, so I knew parts of her story, but this memoir blew me away. She grew up in a dysfunctional family and had to grapple with drunk family members, poverty, and hunger.

    Her relationship with her daddy, an alcoholic, is at the center of her story, and her goal in life became to make him proud. She eventually became a medical doctor as part of this quest, but when the degree and status failed to satisfy her, she self-destructed, breaking up her own marriage in the process.

    Parts of Edie’s story hit home for me, and her incredible writing style kept me up at night to finish this book! I’m always fascinated to read the ‘behind-the-scenes’ of someone’s life, and this story is truly unbelievable. I think you’ll love it.

     

    Ok – you know what to do now! Click, buy, read, and be changed. These books are such a breath of fresh air in a world telling you to put on a happy face and pretend everything’s perfect. They tell you to be you – authentically – and to face your truths rather than settle for a lie. That’s a message we all need.

     

    I’m an affiliate for books I’ve read and loved. If you buy through my referral links, at no extra cost to you, I’ll make a commission. Thanks for supporting me this way!

     

     

  • My First-Ever Book Release!

    A few days ago, I wrote a post called “Do It Scared.” I encouraged you to “Do it scared. Do it trembling. Do it wondering if you’ll fail and if others will think you’re crazy.

    Today, that’s me.

    I have written an e-book, and today I’m releasing it into the big, scary world. I’m scared. I’m trembling. I’m wondering if I’ll fail and if others will think I’m crazy.

    But I’m doing it anyway!

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    The book is called Buried: What to Do When You’re Overwhelmed, and I’ve written it for those of you who struggle to manage all that’s on your plate. I did a poll on Facebook a few weeks ago, and the number one struggle people identified themselves as having is managing responsibilities. I heard from so many women who said there’s too much to do and too little time. Too many tasks and not enough self. Too many expectations and not enough reality.

    They said something has to give.

    I immediately knew this topic, chosen by hundreds of women, was something I had to address. I sat down with my computer and my prayers, and the result of those hours is this book I’m offering. It walks you through five simple and practical steps to reclaim your life and create breathing room for your soul. It forces you to make hard decisions about what’s important and to analyze the purpose of your days.

    We have more choice about our lives than we’re often willing to admit, and this books reminds you that God equips you for what He has called you to do, but He will not bless what you choose on your own. It’s time for us to evaluate our lives and choose the best way.

    I am offering this book to you at just $2.99, and I truly believe that if you will follow the action steps and pray through each one, you will be able to look at your life from a new perspective and make changes that revolutionize your life and family. My prayer is that as a result of reading this book, you will find peace, encouragement, and will be able to manage the tasks set before you.

    To purchase Buried: What to Do When You’re Overwhelmed, simply click here. And if you are able, please leave a review on Amazon and share with your friends. We all need some wisdom on how to manage our crazy lives!

     

  • Do It Scared

     

    For most of my life, I’ve been a fraidy cat.

    I’ve always been the one scared. Afraid of roller coasters, afraid of planes, afraid of what others think of me.

    I have lived in the shadows of my own life, allowing the fears to become my focus. I forfeited dreams and relationships and what could have been because I was scared of what might be.

    But in the past 6 months, I have stared some fears in the face. I have listened to the scared voice in my head and told it, “Not this time.” I have stepped out when I once would have run away.

    And I am a different person because of it.

    Whatever it is that scares you – do it anyway. Do it scared. Do it trembling. Do it wondering if you’ll fail and if others will think you’re crazy.

    Do it anyway.

    Whether you want to start a business or ask a friend over for coffee, fear will tell you not to do it. Fear will tell you all that could go wrong. Fear will convince you not to take the risk.

    I’m begging you to do it anyway.

    When you do it scared, you come alive. When you hide in fear, you die inside.

    When fear feels like a straitjacket, remember you’re not at its mercy. You can make a decision about what’s most important to you – being safe while wondering “what if,” or taking a risk and saying, “Let’s see.” You will always regret what you didn’t try, and you will always wonder what might have been. Don’t regret and don’t wonder – DO.

    Do it scared. Do it with questions. Do it even if no one else knows and if you’re completely unequipped.

    Do it when you’re convinced you’ll fail, and do it when you don’t know the next step.

    Do that thing that’s gnawing at your insides. Pursue that dream that just won’t go away. Chase that part of yourself you’ve pushed down since you were a child. Have the courage to become who you’ve been longing to be. Make that decision fear has convinced you to ignore.

    And do it today.

    Fear will tell you there’s always tomorrow. Fear will tell you to think about it more. Fear will make you think you have forever.

    You don’t.

    You have today, and you have a decision.

    Will you or won’t you?

    Do it. Do it scared. Do it trembling.

    But do it.

  • A Freebie for Teachers – No Strings Attached!

     

    Teachers are my people.

    When I was a little girl, I played nonstop with a blackboard and chalk, and as an adult, I spent nine years teaching middle and high school English.

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    I know teachers, and I love teachers.

    For that very reason, I have created something exclusively for anyone working in a school, and I am giving it away FOR FREE!

    Teachers need encouragement, so I have written a week’s worth of devotions to inspire them and motivate them in the midst of their difficult jobs.

    To receive the devotions directly to your inbox, simply click on this link! Be sure to enter the email address where you wish to receive them. You’ll get the first email Monday, September 19th, and they will continue throughout the week!

    Feel free to share this post with any teachers you know. Let’s spread a positive message throughout our schools!

     

  • Welcome to My New Website!

     

    It’s finally here! My very own website!

    After weeks of hard work behind the scenes, my amazingly selfless friend has created this beautiful website as a home for my writing, and I am blown away by what he did.

    Isn’t it great to have technological friends? If it were up to me, I’d be handwriting letters to each of you and mailing them through the postal service. 🙂

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    This website will still house my blog, and you can also find old posts from my original blog. It will also be the hub for all of my writing activity. You’ll find the latest information on what I’m working on and exclusive material you won’t find anywhere else!

    (If you look to the right at the top of this page, you’ll find a spot where you can subscribe via email and get a free gift, too!)

    I’m so excited to have this new virtual home, and I’m praying it will be a source of encouragement to you as you enjoy your journey!

  • Everything’s Not OK

     

    The obligatory answer to the question “How are you?” is understood to be “Fine.”

    Maybe a “Good, how are you?” or sometimes an “I’m OK, thanks.”

    Nobody really expects (or desires) for you to say, “Well, truthfully, everything stinks right now. My kids are driving me nuts, my husband and I can’t seem to get on the same page intimately, and I kind of want to punch my coworker in the face.”

    If we said such things, we’d get a whole lot more than we bargained for, and truthfully, we don’t need to share that much with acquaintances who innocently ask how we are.

    But in telling most of the world we’re fine, do we unconsciously convince ourselves we are? Because if we’re honest, we’re often not fine. Everything’s not always ok, and we have no obligation to the world to pretend that we are.

    But when our souls beg us to ask how things are, we must be willing to admit the honest emotions we’re feeling and the true conditions of our hearts. To do so, we have to face what’s really going on. Denial is dangerous. If it’s easier to pretend nothing’s wrong than it is to honestly analyze our hearts, we have a major problem.

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    I have become hyper-aware lately that when there’s a soul problem deep inside, when my heart is struggling and my emotions are unbalanced, my go-to is to check out. I avoid the core issue for days at a time, subconsciously pretending the problem away. I play a dangerous game of cat and mouse with myself, running from the problem so I don’t have to face it while simultaneously living every moment affected by it.

    It’s insanity.

    I don’t know if this avoider mentality is just a trait born of genetics or a product of my upbringing. Maybe it’s a combination of both. Regardless, I’m learning that it’s only ever harmful to me and those I love. My childish refusal to acknowledge my issues is an indication that I’m relying only on myself for their healing. If I keep them locked up inside, then I’m believing the solution is also inside. It’s not. We need other people to help us heal our old wounds. Hurts that remain hidden only fester. Dark places that are never exposed to light never lose their dark power over us.

    I’m not suggesting we start telling others the unedited truth of our hearts if our hearts are not “fine.” But I am suggesting that we start telling ourselves the truth of our hearts. I am suggesting that we pay attention when our souls scream and that we listen when our hearts hurt. Avoidance never heals. Problems don’t just disappear. And in spite of our well-intentioned reply that we’re ‘fine,” sometimes we’re just not.

  • How to Do Church Right

    I wanted so badly to do it right. Whatever the Christian life looked like, I wanted to represent it well.

    A people-pleaser by nature with perfectionist tendencies, I knew that if I could just find the hidden list of do’s and don’ts, I’d be set. I’d memorize it, practice it, and ace the Christian test.

    I would make Jesus, and those around me watching, proud.

    It took me years to realize how very wrong I was.

    While I was wanting to do things for Jesus, He was whispering, “It’s already done.” While I was trying to work for Jesus, He was saying, “Peace. Be still.” While I was thinking I had something to prove, Jesus was telling me, “I already proved it all.”

     

    To continue reading, click here. I’m honored to be guest posting today with Debby Hudson.

  • Ten Things I Want My Son to Know

     

    OK, son. You’re in that weird stage right now where you’re technically not a teenager yet, but you’re not a little kid anymore, either. I know it’s super strange. Your body is changing, your voice is sounding different, and your brain is struggling to keep up. The next few years are going to be different for both you and for me. I’ve been thinking about some things you should know, and while this list is definitely not exhaustive, I figure it’s a good start.

    • Deodorant and foot washing are not optional. Ever. They’re just not. As your body changes (you’ll learn this in sex-ed), your hormones go berserk, and you. will. stink. You already do. (No offense.) It’s not your fault, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but Lord have mercy, it is something you can control. The deodorant is in the top bathroom drawer (I’m assuming you forgot?) and foot washing involves soap. With a washcloth. And a vigorous scrubbing motion. No, you cannot count standing in the soap suds on the shower floor. Not sufficient. Scrub those stink cells off your feet. Then repeat. converse-867775_640
    • You won’t always (or maybe ever) be the best athlete on your team, but you are overqualified to work your butt off. If I ever see you being the last one to get to the line, or if you think it’s acceptable to saunter off the field, you will hear my screech from the stands and feel my wrath at home. Your coaches should all say the same thing – “Man, is that kid a hard worker.” I’ll be more proud to hear that than to hear you’re the top hitter. Seriously. Work ethic matters more than your stats.
    • Don’t ever get too cool to read good books. I know that somewhere in middle school, many guys stop liking to read. (And as a former teacher, I know it’s because we educators start assigning crap-tastic books and forcing you to read what you hate. But I digress.) You love to read right now, and the books on your shelves have taught you so many things you can’t learn in school. Reading opens doors to worlds you need to see. A man who doesn’t read is often a man whose mind is closed. Don’t be that man.
    • Your world is going to open up in the next few years. I want you to venture into it and explore what it has to offer, but I want you to do it in the confines of what we’ve taught you matters. I want to live in the limits of the values we hold. This means you won’t do everything that others do. You won’t go everywhere they go, and you won’t say/think/drink/experiment with everything they do. There is no shame in standing on your own. There is no shame is saying that something’s not for you. There is great shame in realizing you’ve violated your own standards. Remember who you are.
    • Nothing is off limits when it comes to approaching me. If you have questions about something, you can ask me. It might embarrass us both or make me cringe, but who better than someone who loves you to see your face turn red? If you’ve done something wrong, I am still here. My love is not dependent on your choices, and though I’ll be praying you make the right ones, if you don’t, you can still come to me. Our home is your home base, and it is your safe place.
    • Keep asking me to scratch your back at night. I know I get annoyed when you ask for 5 more minutes every single night, and I know I always say I’m ready to go to bed, too, but that time with you is my favorite. It’s just us, and when you’re facing the wall, you often open up and tell me things that I wouldn’t otherwise know. It lets me know you need me, and there’s nothing a mom needs more.
    • Your outfit doesn’t all have to be the same color. Seriously. If you’re wearing a red shirt, your shorts don’t have to be red, too. Variety is the spice of life, bud. Look at the color wheel and learn about complementary colors. Your future wife will be so impressed if you can pick out your own clothes. Trust me on this one.
    • I will never stop giving you chores. You’ve been putting your laundry away for years, and hauling out the trash and cutting the grass aren’t going away either. As you get older, your responsibilities will only increase. It’s preparing you for life outside our house. Get used to it.
    • No, you still can’t have a phone. I know. I’m mean and everyone else already has one. Too bad. God didn’t tell me to make you happy, and what everyone else has is not my concern. Unlimited technology does nothing to give you the character you need, and it opens up a world you are SO not ready to enter. (I’m 36 and not ready for it either.) My calling as a mother is to help you discover your calling, and scrolling through selfies on Instagram isn’t it. Friends in real life are more valuable than likes on social media. And no, I don’t know when you can have one. Maybe when you actually start putting your laundry IN the basket instead of on your floor. Baby steps, son. Baby steps.
    • I love you like nobody’s business, but understand here and now that you will not be a 30 year old man living in my basement playing video games. You are expected to be educated for a job or trained in a skill that can provide you with housing and food. I will do everything in my power to aid you to this end, but at some point you will leave the nest. Even if it’s my foot kicking your backside out. There is nothing healthy about an adult refusing to be an adult, and in this house you will not be enabled to stay a child. Nope. Forget about it. I will not do for a man what he can do for himself. I love you, but I will also love coming to your house to visit.

    So there you go, babe. Just some nuggets of wisdom for your preteen self. We’re headed into uncharted waters for our family, but we’re in it together. Unless you forget your deodorant. Then it’s every man for himself.

  • What Sacrifice Are You Not Willing to Make?

    Think about what you want. What you really, really want.

    I bet without much coaxing, you could make a list of things you’d love to have – or be. I bet you have dreams, both big and small, tucked away inside your heart. I bet you have goals, both lofty and mundane, on that list inside your brain. We all know what we want, even if we’ve never told another soul.

    And yet we remain without those things. What I want us to consider is why.

    Naturally, we have no control over some of the things we want. They are out of our reach or are not meant for us. But just as clearly as some things are out of our control, some things aren’t. Some things we want could be ours today if we had the courage and drive to go for them.

    But we don’t.

    Many of the things we want are on the other side of a sacrifice we’d have to make, and when it comes down to it, we aren’t willing. It’s easier to dream and lament and complain about our lack than it is to work for all we could gain.

    I want so many things I don’t have: a six pack (of abs, that is, not beer), a perpetually clean house with perpetually empty laundry baskets, home-grown produce to save both money and calories, flower beds with beautiful blooms and zero weeds…

    Not one of those things is impossible, but all of those are things I don’t have. The reason is simple – me. I am the reason I don’t have those things, and I don’t have them because I’m not willing to make the sacrifices necessary. I could have a six pack, theoretically. I’d have to work out a whole lot more and eat a whole lot less, but it’s doable. I could stay caught up on laundry – if I’d rather catch up on it than episodes of Fixer Upper I’ve missed. I could have a garden – if I wanted to spend my time maintaining it… For every thing I wish I could have, I’d have to make a sacrifice to get it.

    What I’ve begun to question about myself lately is whether my lack of sacrifice is a forfeit of my destiny. Are there things the Lord desires for my life that will only come if I give up what doesn’t really matter? Our best will arrive only when we relinquish our grip on the good. Good might prevent best. Comfort might block destiny.

    What do you need to give up today to walk into what’s meant to be yours? Sleep? Food? Relationships? Self-hatred? Mindless television watching? A critical spirit? A job? Over-spending?

    The interesting thing is that we all have something – likely many things – we could (and should) give up. The reality, though, is that most of us won’t. We want the comfort of what we know. We want the easiest option, which is to stay as we are. We say we’ll start tomorrow. We assume we’ll fail anyway, so we refuse to even start.

    We make a thousand excuses, but we really just make the path we’re intended to follow that much further away.

    I’m tired of sabotaging my own life. I’m tired of assuming the worst and settling for it. I’m tired of watching others achieve their goals and thinking they know some secret I don’t.

    You want to know their secret? Hard work. Sacrifice. Giving up something now for something greater in the future.

    It’s really no secret at all. It’s just hard. Today, I’m embracing hard.

  • Moms: You Need to Take a Break

    When did women not taking care of themselves become a badge of honor? When did it become admirable for a woman to bemoan having no time to herself, no time to enjoy her husband, no time to do anything she wants?

    I don’t like a world where self-destruction is revered.

    Confession time: I sacrifice time with my family to work out. I let my kids watch TV so I can read a book without pictures. I leave my children with my husband and go to dinner with my girlfriends. I leave my children with their grandparents so I can go to dinner with my husband. I lock them outside to play with all the toys we spent all the money on so I can eat a brownie in peace and quiet!!! (Mine are 9 and 10, so they are perfectly fine – don’t question my parenting. I didn’t do it when they were 2 and 3. Much.)

    In other words, I make a habit of taking care of myself. Call me selfish, but it’s what I need to stay sane. You ultra-moms out there who are convinced 5 minutes to yourself is a luxury you can’t afford? You WILL burn out. Trust me on this one. You will get bitter and tired and everyone around you will pay. The martyr complex needs to go and you need to cry uncle. Ask for help. There’s no shame in that game.
    Your kids will not suffer a lifetime of debilitating sadness because you locked the door and took a bubble bath. They won’t need therapy because you weren’t there one night to read Green Eggs and Ham. (You might need therapy, though, if you have to read it one more time, Sam I Am.) It’s OK – and good! – for you to be just you for a few minutes. Being a mom is exhausting, and if it’s all you let yourself be, you’ll forget who you are without them. There is nothing more destructive to a child than a mom who doesn’t know her identity.  
    If you are a mom to little-bitties, I get it. It’s much harder to get time to yourself when you are the food source and you are the waste management system and you are the protector of things falling on their heads. But it’s even more important for you to get a break, because those little-bitties are leeches who will suck the very life right out of you. They will demand more and more and more because they don’t understand that you and they are separate bodies of matter. It is your job to teach them. Teach them well, my dear friends. Teach them well.

    Go do it. Right now. Either take or schedule a mommy time-out, and let me know how it goes. I guarantee you’ll feel better – and be a better mommy – when you have.