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20.06.2019

As I write this, I'm sitting in a coffee shop, alone. Of course, there are other people in the building, so I guess I'm not technically alone, but I came here without anyone else, on purpose. I had a few hours to do whatever I wanted, and I chose to be alone with a caramel macchiato and my laptop. This is proof of growth, my friends. Ten years ago, I never would have chosen solitude when there might have been another option. I would have worried about what people thought if they saw me by myself, and I would have chosen strangers' perceptions over my own needs. Now? Who cares what they think? I like being alone. (And I've learned that very few people are paying attention to what I do. Most of us humans are wrapped up in our own worlds and our own minds, and even if we notice someone drinking coffee alone, we usually don't give it a second thought. It's just what people do.) I'm staring down age 40, and my next birthday will be the one decorated in black and "Over the Hill" signs and balloons. Lots of people dread this milestone, but I'm kind of looking forward...

18.06.2019

Disclosure: the links in this post are affiliate links, which means if you go through them and make a purchase, I receive a commission. Keep in mind these links are for products I have purchased on my own. The decision to buy for yourself is completely up to you! I couldn't find my way out. Eight years ago, after my marriage fell apart and my labels became "divorced" and "single mom," my world lost its color. All around me, I saw only black and white. Mostly black. Mostly darkness. It makes me think of driving in the fog, where my headlights are on and they're pushing the light as far as they can, but an invisible force reaches out and pushes it back. High beams don't help -- the fog is too real. Too thick. Too present. Instinctively, I lean forward, scrunching my eyes to improve my vision, and I move my hands to the tippy-top of the steering wheel as I peer over the wheel into the murky scene ahead. I have a faint idea of where the road is, but my heart beats faster with uncertainty and worry as I inch forward. When you can't see what's ahead, it's...

13.06.2019

Disclosure: the links in this post are affiliate links, which means if you go through them and make a purchase, I receive a commission. Keep in mind these links are for products I have purchased on my own and loved. The decision to buy for yourself is completely up to you! Truth time: much of the clothing I wear these days comes from Amazon. I'm not a girl who loves getting in the car, driving across town, wandering up and down aisles, and facing myself in full-length, well-lit dressing room mirrors. Ahem. No thanks. It's easier for me to scroll and click, then watch for the delivery two days later, thankyouverymuch. So I thought I'd share with you some of the pieces I have loved from Amazon lately. This blouse, which I got in the orange floral pattern. I wore it recently when I preached, and it was perfect. I felt covered and fashionable, and I didn't have to worry about it shifting or bunching. This Kimono, which I wore while speaking at a women's event. I like using pieces like this as finishing touches, and this one added a lot without being an extra heavy layer. The colors were vibrant, too. This super casual,...

21.03.2019

There's a point in every conversation where the other person breaks eye contact, glancing away to look at, well, who knows what. Maybe it's another person, maybe a painting on the wall, or maybe it's just to see anything other than my face. You know that feeling, too? The one that says, "Well, they're done talking to you. You're boring, you have nothing interesting to say, and they are tired of you." I know it's not rational to think that a person's inability to look into my eyes without glancing away means they're tired of me. It's probably not realistic to think that a glance away means they're ready to dismiss me forever. But I'm not always rational, and goodness knows I'm not always realistic. My insecurities lie just under the surface of my consciousness, ready to assume control and lead me astray. That's because my insecurities are from my enemy. I've always had a hard time being comfortable in a group of people. I've assumed I don't fit in, whether there's evidence to suggest it or not. Even in a one-on-one conversation, I often wonder what the other person would rather be doing. My assumed belief is that, at some point,...