25 Oct I’m So Wrong So Much of the Time
Some days I feel like such a screw-up. I wake up wanting to stay in bed, sleeping away the minutes you’ve given me. I want to do what’s comfortable for myself and what will bring me most satisfaction, all while forgetting you didn’t make me for me.
You made me for you.
So God, I need to confess.
I confess that most days I think more about myself than I ever think about you. Even in the work that you have given me, I look for ways to take myself higher. In the relationships you’ve gifted me, I look for ways to have my way be the way. In the life you have presented me, I make it all about myself.
I confess that I spend far too much time thinking about what others think of me. I listen for their opinions while ignoring your truth. I repeat their praises and insults to myself, disregarding your words about who I truly am.
I confess that my fears motivate me far more than my faith, and I quickly assume the worst of you rather than believing the best. When things don’t go my way, I think, “It’s because He doesn’t love me” rather than “It’s only because He loves me.” I believe the worst of you.
I confess that I try to conceal my shortcomings and sin rather than present them to you for change. I hide them from you like I do from everyone else, and then I get frustrated when I don’t feel that you’re helping me. I think you’ll be disappointed if I’m honest with you, and I let myself forget you already know all my truths.
I confess that I compare every part of my life to every part of other people’s, and on a daily basis, I wish for what you don’t intend to be mine. I want their homes, their status, their personalities, and their looks. I want everything but what I have, and I forget that all I have is a gift.
I confess that I complain about the world but never reach out to help change it. I lament over the sadness, but I never comfort the grieving. I bemoan the tragedies, but never step into the mess. I pray for your Kingdom to come but never act as your hands and feet.
I confess that I hold grudges against those who have hurt me. I ignore your command to forgive and carry my pain as an unneeded burden.
I confess that I wonder if I’m enough. If you’re enough. If I have enough. If there’s time enough. I believe more in scarcity than I do your abundance.
I confess that I’m wrong.
I confess that I’ve wandered.
But today, I confess that you’re Lord.
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